Back from CA, feel like a different person

Quite literally.

This body even feels different. Maybe bc i lost a few pounds there. Heck, i lost a whole lot more than a few there. The obsessive thinking is mostly gone. When it shows back up, i acknowledge it, look at the emotion/concern/issue that i'm facing and then actually face it.

That audio book has changed me. Thoroughly. I communicate differently now just bc of that. I'm speaking up more, being more honest, more transparent, being more honest with MYSELF. i don't feel like a failure anymore. Because i've stopped failing me, finally. Finally. Finally i've gotten hold of this. Inhale, hold and release hugely here.

I did my Reiki Master course this weekend while i was in Cali. It was profound, and deep, and it touched in to all the places i've been going lately. And the few i'd still been neglecting. Having a daily meditation practice eludes me still. I do it periodically throughout the day, but i dont set aside time each day specifically for that. From Saturday on, i've been doing it. I've done it before, and it feels so good and results in better boundaries, more truth, and less wishful thinking. So let me rephrase that, to draw in the value of the NLP aspect of all this work and looking at the self talk. I had done it periodically in the past, especially when i was pregnant. And though its benefits mostly stayed with me, the space in my mind where the repetitive thoughts lived easily came back to life. So now i make a point to have daily practice. Yes, my teacher said to do this. But i am my own greatest teacher, greatest reflector of my actions. And i tell me to do it, so i am.

I realized there why I had felt so strongly about moving back to CT.  The conviction of that decision has fallen away. It was for my daughter to grow up around her family. But that desire is no longer strong. I don't love the Northeast. I love the vortex that is northern california. It speaks to my soul.
I want to be around the people of California. I want Rhi to experience friendship and day to day life in that environment. The northeast is rough. It's tough. The folks here are often angry or quick to attack.
I keep wondering if it's just me though....
Like the old new age adage that it's easy to be enlightened in a cave. Come down to the village and see if you can still hold onto that peace of mind. So i wonder if CT still has more to teach me. I reckon it does. Because i have more to learn. But then again.... there is always more to learn. If i step out of the thinking mind, can i be at peace? At peace anywhere?